


humanstuck but theyre the gay alt kids

by incidentalAmalgamation



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, One Shot Collection, Slice of Life, Work In Progress, but like with a plot sorta, dumb teenagers, no one is straight obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25843153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incidentalAmalgamation/pseuds/incidentalAmalgamation
Summary: woah dumb teens doin dumb shit au! mostly beta kids and beta trolls but i might do a couple chapters with the dancestors or alpha kids later
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Gamzee Makara/Tavros Nitram, Nepeta Leijon/Terezi Pyrope
Comments: 20
Kudos: 46





	1. impromptu room makeovers

**Author's Note:**

> chapter tws: alchohol, food, parental neglect, nsfw only in so much as teenagers being teenagers.. nothin explicit

as soon as they got in the front door, gamzee was on him. he kissed his neck and his cheeks and his lips, anywhere he could reach, really. tavros pushed lightly against his chest.

"gamzee!!! what if someones home???" he asked in a hushed, flustered tone.

gamzee just laughed. "no ones ever home, but if by some wild chance the old man is, he'd be in either the living room or his bedroom. i guess we could motherfucking... check or something. er.. if that would make you feel better anyways."

tavros nodded, his face still flushed. they looked in the bedroom and the living room. sure enough, they were alone. he sighed in relief.

"you want some food or somethin?" gamzee broke the silence.

"sure," he replied.

they headed into the kitchen and gamzee opened a near empty fridge. he mumbled an apology and something about forgetting to go to the store, and then pulled out a little less than half of a leftover pizza. they were both pretty glad to get something in their stomachs besides cheap beer. theyd just been at a party at sollux's house, and it had gotten pretty wild. not as much as you see in the movies though. its never as much as you see in the movies. they ate their pizza slices quietly. they were really hungry all of a sudden, or at least they had just noticed. gamzee leaned against the counter, and tavros slouched in his wheelchair. they drank some water too, trying to clear their heads somewhat. i didnt seem to work very well, to be honest, because the two had the bright idea to spray paint the walls of gamzees room in a second rush of energy.

it was a hell of a time, spraying all the different colors all over the wall. it never occurred to tavros to ask why gamzee had so much spray paint. an hour later, the room was a mess. the walls (and half the ceiling and floors) were covered fully in a muticolored shitfest of clowns, dicks, obscenities, gay flags, and whatever the hell else came to mind. the two of them were laughing their asses off by the time they finished and realized the sun was coming up.

"holy shit," laughed tav, looking at the clock, "no wonder ive got a headache."

gamzee laughed and flopped on his slightly painted bed. "coulda been the fumes too"

"true," he simply replied as he sat on the bed next to him. "you wanna, uh, get some sleep or something? i mean its daytime and all but its also a saturday and weve been up all night so it would make se-"

gamzee cut him off by pulling him down next to him on the bed and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. tavros laughed and snuggled closer.

"i'll take that as a yes?"

"yeah, do that," he hummed.

-

they woke up well into the afternoon, an angry sounding knock on the front door. they looked at eachother quizzically, but as they woke up they realized there was only one person who knocked like that unless you were getting arrested. karkat. not even bothering to make anything presentable out of themselves they went and opened the door, rubbing the sleep from their eyes.

"gamzee you left your fucking shoe at sollux's place. dude how the fuck did you even get home didnt you fucking walk?"

"huh. i never even motherfuckin noticed"

"gamzee you were wearing platforms. what the fuck. how did you not notice. what the fuck. im just. what the fuck. what the actual fuck."

gamzee just shrugged and karkat rolled his eyes and gave him his shoe back. he left, muttering to himself about how inconceivable it is to leave an entire platform boot at a party, and the boyfriends went back inside to ponder what they were gonna do for the rest of the day.


	2. tresspassing but its cool because were gay u kno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i cant go with my friends 2 abandoned places so i make tha homestuck characters do it 4 me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter tws: brief mentions of spiders and alcohol

karkat slid into the passenger seat as dave turned on the ignition of his old truck. they greeted each other and shared a quick kiss before driving off to meet up with their friends.

“where did we decide on meeting again? I didn’t really read all of the chat,” asked karkat.

“some abandoned house Gamzee found the other day. funny thing is the guy can't even come to show us around.”

“so… we’re gonna be trespassing in some random place we've never been with no idea where to actually go?”

“yep”

“cool”

they pulled haphazardly into the driveway of the dilapidated house. terezi came around the back of the house and gestured for them to park in the backyard, the driveway did seem pretty conspicuous. they pulled around back and parked behind as bushy ass tree, and then went to greet their friends.

“hi guys!” called June, and gave them both awkward but friendly side-hugs once they joined the group.

“youre late, as always,” said vriska.

“yeah yeah, whats new,” replied dave dryly. “so did gamz say how to actually get into this place or are we just totally on our own here?”

“he said something about a basement window but wasn’t very specific beyond that,” rose answered.

“typical.”

they looked around and eventually saw a busted out window that looked almost inaccessible due to a huge bush right in front of it. they all looked around at each other, as if to say “I aint going in there first.” but someone had too, and they decided on dave since he was the smallest.

“if this shits haunted and I die im gonna haunt all of you. ill poltergeist all up in your business.”

“dude just go already,” terezi rolled zir eyes. “you brought a flashlight, right?”

he paused.

vriska laughed, “oh my god don’t tell me you came to an abandoned house and forgot a fucking flashlight.”

“shut up,” he said defensively. “I think ive got one in my truck, give me a second.”

karkat rolled his eyes. sometimes he couldn’t believe how much of an idiot his boyfriend was. it seemed to take way longer than it should’ve to find a flashlight. he was probably stalling, although his truck was kind of a mess so maybe it was lost. he finally returned, cheap red flashlight in hand and a pack of batteries in his back pocket.

“maybe you could try to find another way to let us in from the inside,” said karkat when he got back.

“hell no I'm not wandering around in the dark by myself,” dave replied, a little too quickly for it to be masked by his cool guy persona.

“well what if someone went with you,” added terezi, “cuz theres no way in hell I'm getting through that space.”

“I could probably fit,” said June.

karkat sighed, “yeah me too, I guess.”

and so all three of them squeezed through the bush and into the window, one after the other. it was a bit of a drop from the window to the basement floor, and it almost caught dave off guard. he stumbled a bit, and then warned the other two as he turned on his flashlight. June dropped smoothly to their feet, which surprised dave a bit because she was usually pretty clumsy.

they looked around the basement, although there wasn’t much too see. the sunlight from the window half illuminated most of the room, but the furthest reaches were too dark to see without the flashlights. there was a beaten up old dresser with a broken lamp on it in the corner, and two of its drawers were missing. they weren’t anywhere in the basement though. in fact, it seemed like that was the only thing in the basement aside from the trash and pieces of ceiling that littered the floor, ancient fuse box on the wall, and spiderwebs that covered the walls. June shuddered; spiders were creepy as hell. vriska would probably love it though.

they found the door to exit, only halfway on its hinges, and went upstairs to see if there was anywhere they could let in their friends. the house was brighter upstairs, since it had a lot more windows and half the roof had fallen in, so they didn’t need their flashlights anymore. there was some graffiti up here, nothing actually artistic though. just random things like “eat my ass” sprayed haphazardly across what once was some kids bedroom. at least thats what they gathered from the small rusty metal bedframe in the corner.

“hey guys check it out,” said June, pointing to a clown face spayed on the wall. “bet that ones gamzees.”

“oh definitely,” dave said. “who else would go around spraying clowns on everything?”

“what is with xem and clowns anyways?” wondered karkat.

“hell if I know. he makes it work though, that shit oddly suits him to be honest.”

“yeah,” replied June. “I fucking hate clowns and clown adjacent things but it does really fit xem. its not annoying on him either.”

they all nodded in agreement and went back to looking for a door or something to let the others in. soon they came across a window that was just slightly ajar, and they were able to force it open with the help of vriska and rose on the other side. terezi came last, pushing over a cooler filled with energy drinks, sodas, and definitely not illegally obtained hard lemonades before they came through.

“what took you guys so long? did you all forget about us?” ze asked.

“no,” replied June, rolling their eyes. “we were looking around to find something like we said.”

“I know I'm just teasing, anything else interesting in here?”

“not much,” said karkat. “just some graffiti and old ass furniture.”

“also a lot of trash. like, so much trash,” added dave.

there was a crunch and they all turned to look at vriska, who had just crushed a recently finished monster under her heel.

“what?” she said, “like one can is gonna make a difference in this mess.”

everyone figured that that was reasonable, and they got back to exploring. in one room there was a blank wall and rose got a look in her eye that made everyone know she wasn’t gonna leave until she had made a graffiti masterpiece. she took several cans of spray paint out of her bag and got right down to it, laying the loose sketch of a ghostly wizard. the rest of them watched her for a while, talking and joking about the picture as well as other things. apparently, it was some necromancer from a book she had read.

the entire painting took almost 3 hours to do, and by that time the sun was starting to set. they all figured it would probably be best to head home, so one by one they all clambered out of the open window. they stood around and talked by their cars for a while, but eventually they got in their respective vehicles and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i know how to use proper grammar i just dont give a shit. anyways hope u enjoyed it


	3. gays in the groupchat what will they do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my god these bitches gay!!! good for them. good for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild trigger warning for joking mentions of bullying // 
> 
> this chapter isnt screen reader accessible due to their quirks, so sorry for that. im working on an accessible rewrite though that should be up soon after this!

**in: _vriska stole all my braincells and called me a slur /j /lh_**

****

****

_-2:47 AM-_

GC: 4R3 4NY OF YOU 4W4K3???

GC: VR1SK4 WONT 4NSW3R M3 1 TH1NK SH3S 4SL33P

TT: Hi!

GC: 1M BOR3D BUT I C4NT DO ANYTH1NG B3C4USE N3P 1Z ASL33P ON MY LAP

GC: 1TS 4DOR4BL3 BUT ST1LL

GC: 4LSO H1 ROS3!!!

CG: TEREZI IS LESBIANING ON MAIN AGAIN

TG: lmao says the guy using me as a pillow rn

CG: SHUT IT STRIDER

GC: 1 W1SH 1 COULD R34CH MY K4ND1 SUPPL13S FROM H3R3

GC: 1 W4S HOP1NG TO F1N1SH TH3 C4TG3ND3R CUFF I W4S MAKING FOR NY4 BUT 4L4S…

TG: catgender rights

CG: CATGENDER RIGHTS

TT: Catgender rights!

AC: :33 < *AC stirs in her sleep and mumbles “catgender rightzzz”*

GC: HOW TH3 FUCK D1D TH3Y SEND TH4T

GC: SH3Z ST1LL ASL33P???

TG: fucked up if true

TT: Come on Dave, you know that is highly illogical.

TT: Terezi probably sent that virself.

GC: LM4O YOU GOT M3

GC: GOOD OL ROS3 4LWAYZ GOTTA RU1N TH4 JOKE >:/ /LH

TG: guys kk fell asleep

TG: and he looks like a sweet little kitty kat

TG: im

TG: sjchjvcskjchldhdgvsdh

TG: i love him

TT: Gay.

GC: G4Y

TG: oh i see how it is

TG: terezi can gay on main but when I do it I get bullied.. this is biphobia /j

TT: You're my brother what do you expect?

TG: fair

AT: hEY GUYS,

GC: H1 T4VROS!!!!!

GC: W3LCOM3 TO TH3 HOMOS3XU4LZ P4RTY!!! W3 R HOMOS3XUAL1NG!!!

AT: nICE,, CAN I GAY TOO???

TG: absolutely bro lay the gay thoughts on us like a delicious fuckin jelly toast breakfast

AT: oKAY SO,

AT: i WAS ON CALL WITH GAMZEE EARLIER WHILE HE PLAYED FNAF,,

AT: aND XE KEPT INFODUMPING ABOUT THE CHARACTERS AND THE LORE WHEN IT WASNT LIKE,, MEGA FOCUSING

AT: iT WAS CUTE AS FUCK

AT: i ONLY RETAINED LIKE,,, 12% OF THE INFORMATION,, BUT IT WAS REALLY NICE TO SEE HIM SO EXITED AND HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT IT }:)

TT: Awww! :) 

GC: T4V YOU GUYZ 4R3 L1K3. SO CUT3 TOG3TH3R

AT: tHANKS GUYS, }:O

TG: karkat woke up and hes reading the chat lmao

TG: will I survive the repercussions for daring to be gay on main???

TG: we will seefghkklj;l;lkjh

GC: D4VE D1D U JUST GET 4TT4CK3D BY 4 F1V3 FOOT T4LL G4Y BOY

TG: dfghfjghes tryjmng to sstealksdd my phonhnhe

CG: HOW *DARE* YOU SAY I LOOK LIKE A SWEET LITTLE KITTY KAT I WILL FUCKING STEAL YOUR TOES

CG: YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ME LOOK NONTHREATENING

TG: karkat youre 5’1 no one is intimidated by you /lh

CG: I WAKE UP AND GET BULLIED IMMEDIATELY WHAT THE FUCK /LH

TG: its just so easy lol

CG: DUDE I FUCKING HATE YOU /R

TG: love u too <3

TT: Gay.

TG: i stg rose

CG: IM COMING FOR YOUR TOES NEXT LALONDE /J

GC: TH1S 1S SO 3NT3RT41N1NG TO W4TCH LM4O

GC: 1 M4N4G3D TO R3TR3IV3 MY K4ND1 STUFF SO NOW 1 C4N JUST S1T B4CK 4ND 3NJOY TH3 SHOW >:]

AT: iVE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN KANDI STUFF

GC: !!!!!!!! 1 C4N T34CH YOU SOM3 FUNKY FR3SH CUFF P4TT3RNZ!!!

AT: }:O

AT: fOR REALSIES???

GC: Y34H!!! U CHOULD JO1N ON3 OF M3 4ND N3PPYZ K4ND1 P4RT13Z!!!

GC: U SHOULD 1NV1T3 G4MZ33 TOO H3 WOULD PROB4BLY L1K3 1T! X3 4LW4YZ T4LKS 4BOUT HOW COOL HE TH1NKS MY CUFFS 4R3

AT: }:O

AT: rAD!!!

TG: ive still got that turntable cuff you made me B)

TG: shits pretty rad

GC: UH OBV1OUSLY? _1_ M4D3 1T??? /LH

TT: Oh shit, are we talking about kandi?

TT: I was talking to Kanaya but like !!!

TT: Kandi is really cool.

TT: I've seen the crowns Jade makes, they're really neat!

GC: 1 KNOW HOW TO M4K3 THOS3!!!

TT: Ooo!!!

GC: 1M GONN4 B3 T34CH1NG 4N 3NT1R3 CL4SS 4T TH1S R4T3 LM4O

GC: 1M TOT4LLY F1N3 W1TH TH4T THO DONT G3T M3 WRONG

GC: K4ND1 1S ON3 OF MY B1GG3ST SP3C14L 1NT3R3STZ 1 W1LL T3LL YOU 4LL OF MY KNOWL3DG3 4ND MOR3 1F YOU L3T ME

AT: hELL YEAH WE SUPPORT U

AT: yOU CAN INFODUMP ABOUT IT TO ME ANY TIME,,!

GC: 4JKD4SGF3DBMFJDFGSJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GC: WO4 TH4NK U T4V 1LY /P

AT: aAAA NO PROBLEM,,,!!!

AC: :33 < *AC actually wakes up from her slumber this time and nuzzles nyas partner* nyou can infodump to me too!!! We can infodump mewgether!!! X33 *they grin ch33rfully* share all the meowledge!!!

GC: 4W FUCK Y34H B4YB3333 >:DDD

GC: 1LYYYY /R

TG: gay

TT: Gay

CG: GAY

AC: :33 < *AC replies late because they were stimming really hard for a second there before she kisses her partners ch33ks a lot of timez!* i love u too aaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3 meowmeowmeow!!! /r

TT: Really gay!!!

AT: yOU GUYS WIN CUTEST COUPLE AWARD I THINK,,

AT: uHH,, *hE PULLS OUT A TROPHY AND HANDS IT TO AC,,,???*

AC: :33< *AC graciously accepts his humble but really pretty award* asdjghjsbjdk!!!!! Wow! Thank u!!! an award for loving my gf a lot!!! /gen

GC: L3TZ GO L3SB14NZ!!!

AT: lETS GO LESBIANS!

TT: Lets go lesbians!!!

TG: hell yeah lesbians for the win

GC: >:DDDDDDD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one in homestuck is neurotypical <3 also does anyone wanna teach me how to html because i have no idea how that shit is supposed to work and id like 2 use their colors if i can


	4. gays in the group chat but for people who use screen readers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3 but rewritten for people who use screen readers or have trouble reading typing quirks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild tw for joking mentions of bullying //

**~ _vriska stole all my braincells and called me a slur /j /lh_ ~**

****

****

_-2:47 AM-_

GC: are any of you awake???

GC: vriska won't answer me I think shes asleep

TT: Hi!

GC: I'm bored but I can't do anything because nep is asleep on my lap

GC: it’s adorable but still

GC: also hi rose!!!

CG: terezi is lesbianing on main again

TG: lmao says the guy using me as a pillow right now

CG: SHUT IT STRIDER

GC: I wish I could reach my kandi supplies from here

GC: I was hoping to finish the catgender cuff I was making for nya but alas…

TG: catgender rights

CG: catgender rights

TT: Catgender rights!

AC: :33 < *AC stirs in her sleep and mumbles “catgender rights”*

GC: HOW THE FUCK DID THEY SEND THAT

GC: SHES STILL ASLEEP???

TG: fucked up if true

TT: Come on Dave, you know that is highly illogical.

TT: Terezi probably sent that virself.

GC: lmao you got me

GC: good old rose always has to ruin the joke /lh

TG: guys kk fell asleep

TG: and he looks like a sweet little kitty kat

TG: im

TG: sjchjvcskjchldhdgvsdh

TG: i love him

TT: Gay.

GC: gay

TG: oh i see how it is

TG: terezi can gay on main but when I do it I get bullied.. this is biphobia /j

TT: You’re my brother what do you expect?

TG: fair

AT: hey guys,

GC: HI TAVROS!!!!!

GC: welcome to the homosexuals party!!! We are homosexualing!!!

AT: nice,, can I gay too???

TG: absolutely bro lay the gay thoughts on us like a delicious fuckin jelly toast breakfast

AT: okay so,

AT: I was on call with Gamzee earlier while he played fnaf,,

AT: and xe kept infodumping about the characters and lore when it wasn’t like,,, mega focusing

AT: it was cute as fuck,

AT: I only retained like,,, 12% of the information but it was really nice to see him so exited and happy,, to talk about it }:)

TT: Awww! :) 

GC: tav you guys are like. So cute together

AT: thanks guys, }:O

TG: karkat woke up and hes reading the chat lmao

TG: will I survive the repercussions for daring to be gay on main???

TG: we will sedfghkklj;l;lkjh

GC: dave did you just get attacked by a 5 foot tall gay boy

TG: dfghfjg hes trying jjh to s steal my phone djhnhe

CG: HOW *DARE* YOU SAY I LOOK LIKE A SWEET LITTLE KITTY KAT I WILL FUCKING STEAL YOUR TOES

CG: YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ME LOOK NONTHREATENING

TG: karkat youre 5’1 no one is intimidated by you /lh

CG: I WAKE UP AND GET BULLIED IMMEDIATELY WHAT THE FUCK /LH

TG: its just so easy lol

CG: DUDE I FUCKING HATE YOU /R

TG: love u too <3

TT: Gay.

TG: i stg rose

CG: I'm coming for your toes next Lalonde /j

GC: this is so entertaining to watch lmao

GC: I managed to retrieve my kandi stuff so now I can just sit back and enjoy the show >:]

AT: I've always wanted to learn kandi stuff,,

GC: !!!!!!!! I CAN TEACH YOU SOME FUNKY FRESH CUFF PATTERNS!!!

AT: }:O

AT: FOR REALSIES???

GC: YEAH!!! You could join one of me and neppy’s kandi parties!!!

GC: you should invite Gamzee too he would probably like it! xe always talks about how cool he thinks my cuffs are

AT: }:O

AT: rad!!!

TG: I’ve still got that turntable cuff you made me B)

TG: shits pretty rad

GC: uh obviously? *I* made it! /j

TT: Oh shit, are we talking about kandi?

TT: I was talking to Kan but like !!!

TT: Kandi is really cool.

TT: I've seen the crowns Jade makes, they're really neat!

GC: I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THOSE!!!

TT: Ooo!!!

GC: I'm gonna be teaching an entire class at this rate lmao

GC: I'm totally fine with that though don’t get me wrong

GC: kandi is one of my biggest special interests I will tell you all of my knowledge and more if you let me

AT: hell yeah we support you

AT: you can infodump about it to me any time!!

GC: SJKDFHHDSDM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GC: WOA THANK U TAV ILY /P

AT: AAA NO PROBLEM,,,!!!

AC: :33 < *AC actually wakes up from her slumber this time and nuzzles nyas partner* you can infodump to me too!!! We can infodump mew-gether!!! X33 *they grin cheerfully* share all the meow-ledge!!!

GC: AW FUCK YEAH BABIEE >:DDD

GC: ILYYYY /R

TG: gay

TT: Gay

CG: GAY

AC: :33 < *AC replies late because they were stimming really hard for a second there before she kisses her partners cheeks a lot of times!* i love u too aaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3 meowmeowmeow!!! /r

TT: Really gay!!!

AT: you guys win cutest couple award I think,,

AT: uhh,, *he pulls out a trophy and hands it to nepeta,,,???*

AC: :33< *AC graciously accepts his humble but really pretty award* asdjghjsbjdk!!!!! Wow! Thank u!!! an award for loving my gf a lot!!! /gen

GC: LETS GO LESBIANS!!!

AT: LETS GO LESBIANS!

TT: Lets go lesbians!!!

TG: hell yeah lesbians for the win

GC: >:DDDDDDD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if theres anything that could be changed to make it more accessible please let me know!


	5. AUTHORS NOTE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> website bad im moving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw sexualization of irl minors, pedophilia mention //

Hi everyone!!! its me the writer.

im moving away from this site due to ao3 refusing to remove nsfw content of an irl minor and their all around shitty policies around underage nsfw content. as far as ive seen there arent really any good alternatives to ao3 so im just gonna put all my works in a google drive folder! heres the link to that ( https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1l_aopZv1i-5VrozkSwtJ7V-f7wLOPg0d?usp=sharing ) this fic is in the homestuck folder along with my gamtav fluff oneshot! it has its own folder by the same name as the fic and each chapter is there as a google doc.

in other news ive been working on another chapter so that should be on there soon! i havent had a lot of time to write so sorry if anyones been waiting on an update. also let me know if you have any problems with the drive its notorious for never working right for me ill try to work it out for you!

anyways yeah sorry about this but im just not comfortable using a site that gives blatant pedophilia a platform... see ya!


End file.
